Relationship building: Giving feedback

by Mike McGrann, Executive Director of the S. Dale High Center for Family Business

One of the keys to any effective working relationship is the ability to give feedback in ways that individuals can "hear" it--and the ability to receive feedback without becoming defensive. Some rules of the road when giving feedback include:

1. Be succinct. Provide specific feedback about a behavior or actions that you would like to see changed or improved. Focus on "actionable items" that an individual can actually change vs. personality traits. For example, if you tell someone he or she lacks charisma, there is not much they can do to become more charismatic. However, if you tell someone that you would like to see more energy and a greater sense of urgency, they can deliberately work to portray more energy and urgency in the workplace.
2. Be brief. Hearing honest feedback is tough enough without feeling like you are getting a lecture. If you really want someone to hear your feedback, you need to keep it short and specific. The longer you talk, the less likely the other is to hear.
3. Be congruent. Speak from the heart with your feelings and beliefs about what you need or wish to see happen. Begin with "I" statements such as "I feel," "I believe," "I would like" that indicate your sentiments. Avoid statements that begin with the words "you always" or "you never" as they force the receiver to defend themselves. If you want the other person to hear your opinion, share it in an honest way . . . your true feelings. Leave the attack, aggression, and other distractions at the door.
4. Be empathetic: Remember that the recipient's ability to hear your message depends in large part how you deliver it. Do so with empathy and care--remembering that it is always hard to hear tough feedback.

Mike's bottom line:  The mark of a good leader is a willingess to give feedback that is succinct, brief, and congruent, and delivered with empathy for the subordinate.