In-laws as Outlaws?

by Mary Beth Matteo, Founding Director of the S. Dale High Center

Many in-laws feel so separated from the family business family, they become “outlaws,” people who feel outside the law. Handling in-laws is fraught with difficulties but here are a few tips about how to keep a spouse’s relationship with the family from becoming volcanic:

• Learn to articulate unwritten family laws, so your spouse doesn’t inadvertently violate them (an example might be, “we don’t criticize Dad in public.”)

• Discuss traditions of both families so that both can be accommodated (How do we spend Christmas, Easter, birthdays? How do we divide the time?)

• Educate your spouse and in-laws about the family business, through family meetings and other vehicles; the more transparent you can be about the status of the business and how it runs, the better for everyone.

• If you don’t have one, think about developing a family charter; in the case of in-laws, two areas are key: stock ownership policies and pre-nuptial agreements.

• Don’t complain about a family member to your spouse or in-laws! It only causes problems later.

Sum & Substance: Inlaws may not be part of the family business, but it's in the business's best interest to remember they are part of the family.