Many in-laws feel so separated from the family business family, they become “outlaws,” people who feel outside the law. Handling in-laws is fraught with difficulties but here are a few tips about how to keep a spouse’s relationship with the family from becoming volcanic:
• Learn to articulate unwritten family laws, so your spouse doesn’t inadvertently violate them (an example might be, “we don’t criticize Dad in public.”)• Discuss traditions of both families so that both can be accommodated (How do we spend Christmas, Easter, birthdays? How do we divide the time?)
• Educate your spouse and in-laws about the family business, through family meetings and other vehicles; the more transparent you can be about the status of the business and how it runs, the better for everyone.
• If you don’t have one, think about developing a family charter; in the case of in-laws, two areas are key: stock ownership policies and pre-nuptial agreements.
• Don’t complain about a family member to your spouse or in-laws! It only causes problems later.
