Receiving Feedback Well Builds Better Business Relationships

by Mike McGrann, Executive Director of the S. Dale High Center for Family Business

Perhaps the most important component of hearing feedback is to accept that we, as humans, are just like your company’s balance sheet: on the one side we have assets, and on the other side we have liabilities.

Most people will admit that they have both assets and liabilities, strengths and weaknesses, but when the discussion moves from the theoretical ( “Yes, I know that I have strengths and weakness”) to an actual conversation about a specific mistake or weakness, things become much more difficult.

In fact, most of us, when confronted by a co-worker or loved one with feedback about how we have hurt them, we become defensive… sometimes even aggressive. We do not like to be confronted with the liability side of our personal balance sheet, so we deny that it exists (defensiveness) or we cover it up with aggression. I am sure we have all met folks who get angry when confronted with feedback they do not like. The problem for a leader who gets angry in the face of difficult feedback is that his / her employees quickly learn to tell the boss what he / she wants to hear. Since some news is good and some is bad, a leader who only hears the good stuff is only getting half the story. This compromises his / her ability to effectively lead the organization.

The challenge for great leaders is to truly accept responsibility for both sides of their personal balance sheet. Once we accept this as part of being human, we no longer have to become angry or defensive when someone points out a weakness.

For instance, why should I upset about something  I know is true? If someone points out to me that I have brown hair, I do not need to get upset because I know it to be true. Similarly, if a co-worker tells me I could have improved the marketing presentation, since I know that I am flawed, I can accept the possibility that my presentation was less than perfect. In fact, I can learn to ask questions to better understand how I might improve.

Receiving feedback is certainly not easy. However, start with a small step: the next time someone gives you feedback that is upsetting, cut yourself a break and admit that you are not perfect. You might have blown it. Explore the issue with questions and try hard not to react with defensiveness or anger.

Mike's Bottom Line: In receiving feedback from others, you not only gain information that can help you do better next time, but you also build a stronger relationship with a valued employee or co-worker.