Quote of the week

“Recent history is filled with instances of family companies that failed to make it to the next generation because family members couldn’t resolve their differences and communicate successfully with one another. In a 1995 survey of 800 heirs of failed family businesses, conflict with family members in and out of the business and with non-family employees was viewed as a major cause of business failure."

--Joseph H. Astrachan, Ph.D. and Kristi S. McMillan, Conflict and Communication in the Family Business, 2003

Counter-intuitive skills required for building relationship power

by Mike McGrann, Executive Director of the S. Dale High Center for Family Business

If you want:

• To be heard, you must first be willing to listen.

• To be trusted, you must first be willing to show that you trust.

• Others take responsibility for their part, you must first take responsibility for your part.

• A team that is willing to change, you must demonstrate that it is okay to fail.

• To improve communication in your team, you must surface conflict.

• To influence, you must first be willing to be influenced.

• To be viewed as a strong leader, you must demonstrate humility.

Mike's Bottom Line: Power has to be earned, and the route to earning it may neither be easy nor obvious. As far as relationships go, the effort, however counterintuitive, is worth your investment.

When Words are the Problem: Communication and Relationship

by Mary Beth Matteo, Founding Director of the S. Dale High Center

Many of us judge someone’s competence by the way he or she handles a public setting: chairing a meeting, making a presentation, supervising employees, or diffusing a tense situation. Members of the successor generation are judged by these criteria—and many more. Poor communication skills can strain professional relationships.

The upcoming generation is under intense scrutiny which makes effective communication difficult, if not paralyzing in some cases. In business settings, colleagues often defer to the senior person, making it even more difficult for a successor to speak up and be heard. In many family businesses, comparisons between founder and successor are unrelenting, also not a recipe for open and free communication. There are a few things that can be done to help successors find the “right words.”

1.  Encourage the successor generation to work outside the family business, if possible: there’s nothing like being able to learn in privacy and observe different communication styles.

2.  Find a non-family coach: someone who can role play situations with the successor and help develop the appropriate “words” for specific situations.

3.  Successors should seek leadership experiences in voluntary capacities: serving on boards, heading up special projects. This is great experience for learning the right words, and communicating with authority and effectiveness. It’s also a great way to give something back.

Sum and substance: Contrary to prevailing wisdom, a failure to excel as a communicator is not always a question of intelligence or leadership: it often has to do with “having” the right words.

Quote of the Week

"Dialogue. Dialogue. Dialogue. Stay in conversation. Stay in relationship. Don’t end up isolated. Get everyone talking together and see if you can find compromises. Find middle ground.”

—Dr. Stephen Treat, Presenter, November 12 Seminar

From the board room to the dinner table: Relating to your adult children peer-to-peer

by Mike McGrann, Executive Director
S. Dale High Center for Family Business

Great business leaders who empower individuals and create honest dialogue in the workplace can create outcomes as successful in the home as they are on the shop floor. So, here are three tips from the business world to better interaction with your teenage child:

1. Great business leaders create an environment of open and honest dialogue in order to build a great team. Give your teens space to have a real voice around the house. I am not speaking of the kind of voice for which we as parents often feel we need earplugs. Rather, do the hard work as a parent to ask three, four or five questions of your kids to ensure that you really understand their perspective on an issue. In doing so, you demonstrate to your child that i) their opinion matters, ii) that you care deeply about them, and iii) they don’t need to shout because they will have a turn to express their needs. Once you demonstrate this to your son or daughter, you have a much better chance of them actually listening to you. Great business leaders understand that they must create an environment of open and honest dialogue if they are going to build a great team. The more your family functions like a team, the more fun it is. While somewhat counter intuitive, the reality is that if you want your child to really listen to you, you must first demonstrate that you are listening to him/her.

2. Great leaders realize that words are cheap, but action is deep. Do as I do, not as I say. Kids, like employees, are always watching the boss. The leader who demands great customer service, but belittles an employee in public has little chance of success. Similarly, the way in you treat your spouse is the model for how your child will treat his or hers someday. The way you treat your child is the way he or she will treat you, and the care you demonstrate for yourself is how your child learns to care for him/herself.

3. Great business leaders understand that they can treat their subordinates as peers, without fear of losing their place in the hierarchy. Great business leaders often speak of creating “peership” within their hierarchy. By this, they mean that they will seek feedback, ideas, and challenges from anyone in the organization. They want subordinates to tell them why an idea is a good one or bad one. It is in this kind of dialogue that employees feel empowered, engaged and confident. Confident leaders know they can have this kind of dialogue without abdicating their position as the company’s final decision maker. Similarly, the goal with our children should be for them to feel confident that they can share their ideas and challenge their parents in a respectful way… and that their ideas will be respected. This does not mean that their ideas are feasible, but their ideas, their wishes are always welcome. It is said that one of the marks of a great parent is how quickly you can establish a peer-based relationship with your child. You can do so with the confidence that giving children a voice as a peer does not mean abdicating your role as parent.

4. Make time for meetings. Great business leaders make time for their team. Most often this implies regular face to face discussions of tactical issues to ensure alignment and to help the team stay focused on important issues. Similarly, families should make time for regular meetings with parents and children to discuss the issues that are impacting the well-being of the family.

5. Great leaders open themselves to feedback. They understand that only by demonstrating a willingness to grow and change personally, can they expect their company grow and change. This implies an openness to feedback and willingness to reflect on how their actions are impacting the team. Similarly, parents who demonstrate that they are willing to grow and change as parents are more likely to see the changes they wish to see in their children.

Mike’s Bottom Line: Embrace openness. Be authentic. Be a leader. Connect. Encourage feedback.